Inma Seiden Riff Volume 2 Part 1

The second episode starts of with Rape Victim being killed by Iron Mask. Which is a pretty good start. Well Iron Mask tries to rape Mai with tentacles, because hey, he's on a roll, right?
But it turns out that Iron Mask pissed off the wrong magical girl, because she opens up a can of magical Whop Ass on him.
She does that by crying blood (well for mourning a girl you didn't even know ten minutes ago that putting it on a little thick), and yelling "How dare you kill Rape Victim!" (Not that anyone would have stopped him until five seconds ago.) Then she starts forming a force field around herself (a blue one that seemingly does not explode tentacles but disintegrates them in a more Eco friendly fashion).
To make the whole thing even more confusing, she flies about a hundred feet into the background. (Probably making this bit of Hoodoo useless indoors, unless you destroy half of the building you are standing in, which rarely ever seems to concern anyone in Magical Girl Anime.) Then some kind of spirit appears in front of her, and it looks exactly like Yooko from XXX Holic! WTF!




So is iron mask really just Yooko's bitch man servant gone berserk?
And why is she dead anyhow, with all her divination skills shouldn't she have seen it coming?
Would the guy (or gal) who made the original manga rather commit Seppuku than crediting this hentai at the end of every chapter?
The world may never know...

Now you may call bullshit on me, but this isn't the last time we'll see XXX holic using this as reference material.
You don't believe me? Well first of all the Manga is called XXX holic but we never see the bitch man servant get L.A.I.D., so the original author probably planned the Manga as a Hentai, stealing from Inma Seiden (Your life is pretty much worthless, if you even consider doing that.). But it ended up as a real Manga instead.
So now I am probably going to get assassinated by Ninjas, since everyone involved with the XXX holic franchise fears the day anyone discovers it's unfortunate relation to Inma Seiden.

Well after forcing me to side track for what seemed like half an hour, the spirit goes away. Dropping Mai's now naked body, on top of Rape Victim, and let me tell you the effects of pussy do stack...
After that we see a Nine Tailed fox appear on top of the shrine, doing nothing useful.

Well let's get our old friend the intro out of the way (the guys who made this anime used the good old copy and past technique, and so will I):

First we see Short Brown Haired Girl attaching a spell written on a post it note (How else do they stick to the enemies?) to the head of what looks like, to put it in Miss Garrison's words: "The offspring of a fish's retard baby, that had butt sex with a centipede." (And it's yellow with evil red eyes!)
Of course since this is the opening sequence this magic post it explodes the shit out of the centipedes head. Another centipede sits in the background, doing nothing, and it's head also blows up, probably from surprise that it's wife just died. (Maybe that's how those magic post-its work? They just surprise enemies so much that their head blows up!)


"We are the reason cousins shouldn't marry!"

We see that this explosion was probably supposed to have been the result of glasses girl, doing something, probably killing something from two hundred yards away with mind bullets, that young nasty woman.
Next up is grey haired girl who gets spit fire by one of the centipedes, those things are really just explosions waiting to happen, well grey haired girl cuts the centipede (I really don't give a fuck anymore what these things are.) into four blocks, ready to be shipped off to the next chinese all you can eat. Since it already blew it's wad by spitting fire we get cheated out of an explosion.
We cut to two centipedes laying a barrage of fire on the incoming:
Fire Demon &
Water Demon



"I always wanted to see what five year olds would draw with a billion YEN budget!"

They currently are their fun size versions that the girls carry them around in but grow into full fledged demons half a second later, so even the people busy rubbing one out can get what is going on.
They basically fly into the centipedes faces, and kick them so hard that their heads become an explosion of blood. The centipede kicked by the fire demon literally has its eyes knocked out of its skull, or shell (or WTF I don't care, inter species retard breeding isn't my major) making it look like it's really surprised by something in the area of the demons crotch.
Then short brown haired girl jumps down from, whatever batman jumps down from when he faces villains on a skyscrapers rooftop, lands and does a "fingerbang" (South Park references all must go!) with her hand firing the post-it towards the camera(OK even I can't explain that one.). Beside her glasses and grey hair are striking poses as if this was an assembly of team rocket. (By the way if you think for one second that they will work together, at any moment without anybody forcing them you are dead wrong!


(There because it made my retard brain laugh...)

Then the demons pop in with a faster than the human eye to herald their epic speed and the fact that the animators wanted to cut this turd loose about as bad as I.

Cut to:
Apocalypse in Japan:


Wow this combines the Japanese being owned by Godzilla,
and crashing cars, I couldn't be more racist if I copy and pasted Mein Kampf!

No for real now:



Crap the Japanese are still crashing their cars! On the second try! Damn it!

No I am really going to get it right this time I swear:



Wow Hitler looks like some gangster Rapper on that cover...
Well he did fuck up peoples shit...

Now that that is out of the way, cut to:
Carey's High School, where everything is normal, and nobody seems to be giving a fuck about Japan getting kicked the living shit out of itself by every force of nature imaginable (So, yes I am quite sure Godzilla is involved.).
But after all the explosions that happen due to the magical girls, they probably just don't buy into that whole apocalypse thing anymore...
By the way this apocalypse is never even talked about again...



"How the hell am I supposed to write three pages on:
"The World is ending!
Don't you fucking kids get it! We are all gonna die!""

Cut back to Purple Haired Woman, and Carey scheming in the Principal's office of evil!
Carey says that Rape Victim's death has been covered up nicely by telling everyone she has transferred to another school, and yes the fact that this even works makes everyone at Carey's school seem to be severely retarded. (Serously that's the only thing they did, it is never talked about again.)
As Carey walks out of the room, she says there is rumours of a forbidden ritual being performed by Purple Haired Woman, and asks her to stop that, then Carey cautions her not to play with fire. Because we all know Asians are highly flammable.


Curiously google doesn't find any pictures of Asian people burning to death in the Square of Heavenly Peace, or of any protesters there, so it probably was just a lie spread by imperialist Americans...

Bud Spencer High Priest of Scientology informs us, that Demon has found another Rape Victim. Purple Haired woman, orders her raped at the temple of the world without colours (Charly Chaplin is a Taoist god? Who knew?)
Cut to Demon, seducing some green haired girl in the band room. He gives her the standard hentai naughty talk, which causes the Rape Victim to call him mean.
She then tells Demon that she loves him, which makes her a Consenting Woman. Good for her! (I guess.)
Demon calls her quite the aggressive one, which means that consent is probably the best feedback he has gotten from a woman he had sex with up to this point.
Cut back to Mai sitting in her class, listening to a lecture by Akira, about a poem that was probably written when opium was still legal.
Mai looks around, and realises that no one notices Rape Victim N°1 is gone. So they really are retarded, there is no indication of any magic being worked here, they have just been told that she transferred, and promptly forgot about that as well. (Or maybe rape vitim was just a severly unpopular loner.)
Well Mai isn't paying attention so she gets hit on the forehead with a piece of chalk, and Akira asks her if his lectures bore her.
She says yes (!), and excuses herself:


"Well now that she's gone let me tell you the story of how I raped that chick!"

Cut to:
Hitomi having a dream about how she first met Fire Man. Well we get to see him in his hulked out form, tongue hanging out saying: "You look delicious."
The way he says it makes me believe he comes from the retarded circle of hell.
Of course Hitomi is scared shitless, because she just ended up in a Rancor pit without a light saber.
She runs away, crying for her mother (!), keep in mind they didn't even bother to draw a younger version of her.
The demon says, he already killed her, so guess who is next on the list. Of course she trips, falls down, and now there is only a pretty pathetic energy shield keeping her from the demon. (Like she has any right to bitch at Mai... (But then again Mai probably would have managed to trap herself inside her own energy shield with the demon.)
Of course the demon pops the shield like a soap bubble using red lightning from his forehead, and says:
"I will eat you, but I am going to rape you first!"



"Just wait for me to get my strap-on, and we'll take it from there baby!"

But before anyone can point out how retarded that idea really is, Fire Man get's hit by a magic dodge ball, and yells, while flying into oblivion: "Hitomi you are my woman, and don't you forget it!" Like some fended off drunk husband. Well the ball of Magic was fired off by Purple Haired Woman, who consoles Hitomi saying, she can be her daughter now.
Hitomi seemingly likes the idea, and hugs her.
(If you want to know how this scene even got to happen all I can figure out is, that Hitomi's real mother chose to raise her in hell, stark naked. (I guess she was part of some satanic Nudist colony). (Maybe Carey is Hitomi's sister, who knows, I mean growing up in hell would explain her behaviour.) So I guess purple Haired woman, and Hitomi's Mom really got along well.)



"I killed your mother, and I am going to rape you!"
Fire Man the flaming new Christmas gift only at Toys 'R Us!

Both Hitomi and Fire Man are still on the roof. Once Fire Man wakes up he reminds Hitomi that her class has already started. Hitomi says nothing. (Her mind probably locked up when she considered, that her only friend is the man that murdered her mother.)
Cut to Consenting Woman getting fingerbanged by demon:
Three seconds into this she starts begging for cock. To milk the masturbation loop for five seconds longer, Demon asks Consenting Female:
"Do you really want it that badly?" WTF? Didn't she already beg you for your dick?
What is she going to say: "You know I was just thinking, and I remembered I'm gay, so uhm sorry to have bothered you."
Since even this movie is not retarded enough to have this happen we are treated to demon, fucking Consenting Woman doggie style.
He really doesn't bang her all that hard, it even looks like he is kind of bored with it, so I guess they shouldn't have made the animators work overtime.
Well of course we see the rune light up, so Iron Mask shows up seconds later:
(Also the girl is sweaty now, which probably also plays a part in it.)
Accompanied by a harp being strummed! (Hell even the sound engineer thinks the guy is a fag.)



"Well duh, I don't even leave the house without harps anymore honey!"

Demon tells Iron mask that Consenting Woman is all his. We cut to:
"Hey hey, come on let me fuck you Hitomi, alright!" (Fire man really sounds like some sort of twisted doll.)
Before we get to really enjoy deep character development Mai is walks onto the roof. "Come on don't tease me like that-" *Sweet ring of a well earned Bitchslap* "Oooh Shit!"
(Seriously Fire Man should be used for something, hell let's make this dude the mascot of "Rape 09 - Eqal Opportunities" I bet he would be total a kids magnet!)
Mai asks Fire Man if Hitomi is being mean to him (the Sexual Harassment Panda, really skimped on his job in that area code).
Hitomi tells her: "Don't spoil him too much."
(I think every time Fire Man smiles Hitomi dies on the inside.)
Mai wants her to finally tell her who summoned Iron Mask, well it turns out that all this fucking time Hitomi just didn't own up to not knowing crap.
Her family really uses every opportunity to make itself even more dislikeable.
She then tells Mai that she only saved her, because of her mother, and that she might have killed her if that wasn't the case (Trying to wipe out the competition, huh you adopted skank.).


May doesn't respond well to threats in the literal sense of the word.

Well then Fire Man jumps out of Mai's hand onto Hitomi's shoulder, and both walk off, leaving Mai looking lost.
She probably just realized that every member of her family is some kind of psycho out to harm or kill, her and the rest of mankind.
Cut to:
High Priest Bud Spencer and demon, having a meeting about how to best exploit Mai's shaken state. (By the way we are treated to the making of of the most pathetic villainous plot ever devised.)
Bud sends Demon on Hitomi's ass, all while staring at what seems to be a rice paper wall, and looking like he is about to have a stroke.
As soon as Demon leaves the starts scheming, saying that he will not let himself be bossed around by Mai's family anymore. (Which is a really bad decision as we will learn at the end of the episode.)
He is now going to personally try to kill Mai, because hell, if I wanted to show a family who is boss I would also start with their weakest member.
He then laughs because what the hell could ever go wrong with that plan.



"We'll rough her up now, and finish her once she get's her period! If that doesn't work we'll sabotage her prom date! Muhahaha!!!"

Cut to:
Archery Club, and guess what, because Mai is in kind of a sulky mood she isn't able to bullseye the very first shot she takes.
Because this is such a terrible problem, it of course causes a Rape Victim to come scurrying out form somwhrere, and ask her if there is something wrong (Well since Mai is skipping archery club lately, she might just be a little rusty. And what is she anyway some kind of S.W.A.T. sniper?)
Mai says she is fine, because she is focussed now (So did she just loose the first arrow without even caring what it hit? That reminds me of those kids at columbine who just threw balls down the bowling lane, before they went off killing their schoolmates. (Her being related to Cary it wouldn't surprise me if she just went straight to mass murder.).
So she looses (it's the correct verb look it up) the second arrow, but before it can hit the target it disappears.
It turns out High Pirest Bud just used his energy field to mildly disappoint Mai. (I guess now taking her out will be a snap.) To make most of this opportunity he immediatly summons up some tenatacles.



"Summoning needs more cowbell!!!"

Since Mai wants to prove she can hit something she fires a volley of lasers at the tentacles using her bow. By the way this arrow laser thing isn't seen again, but Vampire turtle King makes an appearance in this episode. (You know I miss the old days, like in "A jouney to the West" when monkeys kicking the shit out of gods using Indian Kung-Fu, monkeys becoming gods, and monkeys stealing (heavenly) peaches was the most unrealistic thing that happened.)



"Everything is better with lasers, even medival archery!"

Of course Mai's awesome laser bow shreds the first wave of incoming tentacles, and seemingly rips High Priest Bud's force field a new asshole. This of course has no effect at all because Bud promptly reinforces the whole thing, and summons the Third King (I guess in their carnal hells it's all chiefs and no indians.)
The thing looks kind of like an insect pokemon, if you dropped acid, and turned on some Death Metal before looking at it. Then we see Mai running away from some tentacles curtisey of the Third King.
(Now I finally get why the villains in this series, always send in some tentacles before the main course. Those stupid magical girls always blow their load on the first thing that comes into range.)
Then this happens (don't ask me why):

Mai is running away.



Mai Explodes.



Mai is gone.



I guess that's it, wow that was over faster than expected. The other four episodes probably just wrap up the loose ends, so I won't have to riff those. I am DONE, fucking finally.

Inma Seiden Riff Volume 2 Part 1 END